In October 1988, President Ronald Reagan proclaimed October as National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.
"A wife loses a husband is called a widow. A husband who loses a wife is called a widower. A child who loses his parents is called an orphan. There is no word for a parent who loses a child. That's how awful the loss is." ~Jay Neugeboren, An Orphan's Tale

This whole month I have seen awareness posts on Facebook about miscarriages and infant loss. This month has been really hard for me. Devin and I should be announcing Baby Jackson #2... but we aren't. Back in July we took a trip to Northern Idaho. It was our last get together before Jason left on his mission. As we were getting into my grandma's house, something was off. I hurried to our room and to the bathroom and saw the blood. It didn't hit me right away what was going on. I didn't know I was pregnant (If I did I think it would have been 100 times harder). I called in Devin and my mom and tried to brush it off as if it was nothing. I was probably a few weeks along and since we were traveling and camping I didn't bring any pregnancy tests.

In the last few days I have seen pregnancy announcements galore. They are so cute...pumpkins inside of pumpkins and little skeletons on maternity shirts. I am so happy for all my friends and family, but I really do wish I was right there along side them announcing too.

I don't really know how to describe how I feel....The best words I can find is incomplete, broken, and sad. My friend from college's wife wrote this song and posted about her experience. The song is beautiful and exactly what I needed. (Start from 1:56 for music).